I see you're firing up to 6,000 people. Analysts say you're in more trouble than a pregnant cheerleader, and that you've been that way for a lot longer than nine months. Analysts think you should spin off your hardware business (but then, they thought you should spin off Java back in 2003...) And those are your small problems.

Amman, Jordan - March 3, 2008

On Saturday morning, members of the reddit internet website woke up to the fresh and - at the time somewhat dubious - news that the Saudi Arabian ambassador had been SMS'ing all fourteen of his friends warning them to get out of the country as soon as possible, inshallah. Thousands of furious clicks later, what started as unsubstantiated rumor has developed into armed conflict the likes of which will keep the internet abuzz for at least another fifteen to twenty-five minutes.

click to enlargeNow we've seen it all from the Microsoft marketing department: New Windows potato crisps. The puns almost write themselves.

"Them must be some hot chips!"

"Windows, crunchy as a pwned n00b's ego!"

zypper update brought me a kernel update this afternoon, which gave me an intriguing prompt:

      Overall download size: 158.1 M. After the operation, additional 2.2 M will be used.
      Continue? [yes/no]: yes
      kernel patch license:
      This update can be used to install a new kernel.
       
      If you decide to use the kernel update, we recommend that you reboot
      your system upon completion of the YaST Online Update, as additional
      kernel modules may be needed which can only be loaded after the system
      is rebooted.
       
      In order to install this package, you must agree to terms of the above licencse. Continue? [yes/no]:

That I think is as close as one gets in an urxvt window to replicating the windows functionality of prompting for reboots after updates.

I'm not entirely sure how good an idea it is to make the suggestion to reboot in a license exhibit for GPL'ed software. It just doesn't work on so many levels...

Many newcomers to this ancient and unique city find themselves initially fascinated in a somewhat morbid manner with techniques employed in driving. This paper was compiled with the express intent of easing the Cairo novice into the driver's seat, mainly through a brief discussion of some of the less orthodox strategies currently in employ in the guise of a list of pointers.

Cairo traffic jamIt is the author's hope that this list will also serve as an acceptable refresher for the grizzled veteran; carnage takes practise after all. But onwards.

Most modern schools of requirements gathering and system specification development are user driven; this can often be the death of a development project. The truth which is known to the more successful technology development outfits is this: the user is irrelevant, the user does not know what is good for the system, and the user will often try to mislead you into developing software which does something they find useful.

Why do we develop software requirements specifications?

This article is aimed at the enterprise programmer. It aims to introduce sound practises around the naming of variables, with the objective of making life more productively busy for the maintenance programmer and keeping the technical writers busy enough to hang on to their meaningless little jobs.

For the first time, the truth about the monumental cock-up that is Doomsday is revealed. Centuries of sloppy research and abysmal story telling skills converge to bring you "The Banjo Players Must Die", an account of celestial incompetence and molested rodents. Oh, and a lot of boobs.

The Banjo Players Must Die!: Book coverA new novel, Creative Commons licensed, which could have been written by fifteen monekys given about two weeks with well oiled typewriters.

Celebrate the release of my first novel, if you must, by expressing outrage and indignation that the innocent term "novel" has been sullied so.

The Economist (bloody expensive but the most consistently good read) has set up this site to ask people for help figuring out what TNBT is in content production. A lovely question which does get the grey matter going, but unfortunately the Terms of Use are draconian. As such, I prefer to post my neat proposition here.

Note that the ideas expressed in this post are free to use by all entities for any purpose (including but not limited to producing more intellectually stimulating toilet paper), with the exception of The Economist Group. The Economist Group will have acquired the right to employ ideas expressed herein when they have:

• Done an article on Richard Stallman, suggesting at some point that he has been consistently overlooked for a Nobel prize (bonus points for dissing his personal hygiene)
• Caused pandemonium by delivering printouts of the fark.com front page on a daily basis for one year to the doorstep of 10 Downing Street, with the top story headlined in a suitable gothic font with a few !!!111OMGLOLWTFBBQ tacked on at the end
• Revised the Big Mac index to a more accurate bundle (beer, rice, and gummy bears, people. Staple diet)

Read on. I am done with the silly bits in this post.

Ever wondered how you can tell modern art from other varieties? Read on: I will show you the way.