I've gotten quite a few surprisingly good reviews for The Banjo Players Must Die, and I just got my first really bad one. Reproduced here:

This book is like Monty Python but sans humour or plot. Or anything meaningful or interesting. It is a constant stream of affected silliness that does not just fall flat, it becomes almost tauntingly annoying in its haughty self assuredness that strangeness for strangenes' sake is the height of literary brilliance. The book has piqued my interest though, but only in the author. I have never encountered a voice so supremely ignorant of its vapidity. Imagine a character from MTV's Laguna Beach deciding to write a novel about how important her opinions are, multiply the self importance by 1000 and then add a Jumbo Dose of intellectual, zany care free affect. An obnoxious self love is the more than an aspect of this diatribe about humanity, it is its total essence.

So, while that did bruise, I do genuinely think that that is someone who really did read the novel or at least a part of it and felt strongly enough to write that review.

Which got me thinking.

If my novel had been on a rack somewhere at twenty euros, I'd be feeling even worse because someone would have actually spent money on something they so deeply detested. Which isn't the case here, so I'm spared the need to feel bad about that. Of course, the reviewer probably wishes they could have their time back, but I can't think of an open license which allows for that.

I genuinely doubt that the reviewer reads this but if they do, here's what I have to say:

Sorry you didn't like the novel, it probably isn't for everyone. The review was a bruiser, but I'm grateful you wrote it as it may help other people decide if they want to read it or not. If you want to help out, post a follow-up (either here or on manybooks.net) providing recommendations on books you think are better. I don't make money either way, but if you do that then it's a step towards people being more likely to find something they'll enjoy reading.

Over and out.